Midnight fears

First off, I haven’t posted in a while, but hell only like 2 people read this. So after falling asleep at 3:30 and waking up at 8:00 you can understand how I’m awake. Sigh I have some growing issues and fears and secrets.

1] I don’t think people see me when they talk to me.
2] I’m like one out of ten Freshman/Highschoolers who wants a long term relationship
3]I don't know why but I whenever I like a girl I wonder what it would be like if we got married and if you know me I have all the elaborate details (weird huh?)
4] I think I’m losing my "smartness"
5] I need someone to tell all this stuff to
6]I am so afraid of losing my friends, I realized that today when I was in the guidance counselors office talking about college, I’m afraid I’ll drift from all my friends (well the few I have)
7] I’m such a hypocrite, I've told people to live for now and not the past or future, but all I do is dwell on the future
8] I want someone
9] Classical music in the middle of the night with my eyes closed does something wonderful to me (weirdddd)
10] I love being a weirdo but hate how that’s all people see in me
11] I think sometimes I get too much into being an individual, but I’m perfectly fine with that
12] There’s so much to say.

I’ve noticed that late at night I’m most emotionally unstable. What the hell is up with that?